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Marriage Consternations

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed - Albert Einstein.

I am single. I love to remain as a singleton for long or forever, if possible. My friends and almost everyone I meet coerce me to get married and they will cajole me citing that I will be lonely when I grow old and then I will regret about my decision. May be or may be not. People consider lone people to be sad by default.

At present I am perfectly happy, staying alone. Yes, I understand the repercussions of my decision. I know that if I dont have money, I will rot in hell, during my old age. Nobody will be there for looking after me. But I dont have a choice. I have solid reasons to stay single. I am gay and so I am not physically attracted to girls. I dont want to ruin the life of an innocent girl. I cannot provide a consummate marriage, sensu stricto. I can lead a "double life" by marrying a girl, produce a child, satisfy my parents, "act" like a perfectly "responsible husband" and then hunt for men in the dark alleys of hotels or public parks or trains or virtually anywhere in the street. I can satisfy my bodily desires by being reckless and deceitful. I can be ideal in the eyes of public and society, but for that I should forfeit my integrity and personal ethics. There hangs the sword of Damocles, what if my wife finds out about my secret life, one day she accidentally finds her husband in a compromising position with another man, or some emails or anything suspicious. These days, girls are pretty aware of the "gay thing" and any educated girl can easily understand  that something foul is going on. 

         I really hate the big fat Indian wedding which are simply ceremonies wasting huge amounts of money, time and other resources. I used to wonder how good it could have been, if that money was used to feed the needy. Why people are getting married with so much pomp and show? Because it makes divorces difficult. Everybody in a community knows that you are married to so and so, if at all you are incompatible with your wife, you will not think about a divorce because of the ignominy in your social circles. If the marriages are being held in simple terms, if it was a small ceremony with the involvement of one's closer circle only,  many people will not even know that you are married and then divorce becomes easier. So society consciously made the whole marriage affair into an enormous social and religious matter so that you will be forced to stick even if you are incompatible. Dowry and the perks are the main attraction for men to get married. Besides, marriages are held in "heaven". "God" makes the match (I think now the sole business of god will be to find a suitable groom and bride, that is how our population is booming). Who are we to break what has been made by god. Everybody fears god. The whole marriage institution is a well constructed social hegemony. Well, I am not saying that it is evil, but it should not be generalized. It should not be made into a rule. People should be given a choice to marry or not to marry and should not discriminate or consider an unmarried man/woman incompetent/perverse.

       Well, I think, both lives - bachelor  and married - have there own advantages and disadvantages. What I could really see in the eyes of married men is "an esoteric envy" whenever they see an unmarried man. When ever they speak to me, I could see a "paradise lost feeling", and they want me to fall into that same ditch or trap. I always feel that most men are "acting hard" to make others believe that they are enjoying the married life. It may be my narrow mind and prejudiced vision, but my gut feeling is that most men don't enjoy a permanent partner at least in sexual matters. It is a fact that human males are not monogamous, they are "sexual predators". I have read somewhere that every man needs at least three women viz.,

1. a wife - for fulfilling daily routines and needs (in feminist view, more like a slave)
2. a lover - for emotional needs
3. a mistress - for gratifying sex! :)

     For some, if they are lucky, all three will combine in their lawfully wedded wife. A loving and understanding wife who lives for the husband and family, who shares everything with the husband, who is wonderful on bed, Yup,  is a rarity; so men who don't have those elements will look for other women who provides them with what they lacks. That is where extra marital relationships come to the picture. Some bud from sexual in-satiety while some others from emotional needs which will eventually end up in bed.  One of my friends used to say that "the real definition of wife is Wonderful Instrument For Entertainment". Read entertainment as sex. Marriage gives you a companion, if you are lucky enough you will get a good understanding companion. There is a catch, all are not that lucky, so that makes marriage a total gambling game

 Recent surveys show that men prefer multiple sexual partners with less frequency of sex than a permanent life partner with more frequency of sex. So mistresses rock. Will marriage be obsolete by 2050. Who knows? Loud cries for legalization of prostitution is scientifically justified, Is it not? Moral police men please excuse me. I personally don't endorse multiple partners, but at the same time, I do find it extremely difficult to fix upon someone :). Well, well, I think, almost everybody is having that problem. We ought to weave a different design on our social fabric.


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