Perks of being single

Image credit: Colipera

"I’m single because I was born that way.”  - Anon.

I somehow managed to avoid marriage all these years. There was huge pressure from my parents to get married and settled. It is still there. My close friends knew that I am gay and so they don't yell, but distant friends used to question me why I am staying single. Well, I cannot say to them that I am gay, so I used to say I am commitment phobic, not interested in kids and the usual cliche excuses. I will also add that I am enjoying my freedom right now and when the right time comes, when I feel the need for a marriage,  I will do that. No body believes that though, they will conclude that I am having some reproductive problem. I never bothered to correct. Alas! it is a reproductive problem indeed.  Such a small difference with a profoundly huge impact. If I put a beard, people will think that I am depressed and the reason of that depression is not getting some girl to marry. The truth is I enjoy being single.

So, is staying as a singleton, all that bad? Not really, it has some unique perks,

• better workability (bachelors make promising employees and totally career driven)
• independence, freedom and turning more creativity
• can be more social and can maintain friendships (no complications and possessiveness issues)
• pretty simple money matters - more spending and less saving!!
• traveling becomes easy and spontaneous (less luggage and bon voyage)
• more self confidence (tackling problems "all alone" raises the endurance to new levels)
• less personal responsibilities and burden (no kids and family chores).
• easy decision making (as no need to indulge in a discussion on every nitty-gritty of life)
• can spend more time with your parents and give more care to them.
• lots and lots of "me" time (but using it creatively is a different issue and a difficult task)
• stay fit and healthy (more gym outings and superbly evolved culinary skills)
• no need to change your habits, better sleep and no invasion of personal space (gosh, I love my room and my bed, all alone)
• many datings, sexcapades and multitude of sexual partners (consequences are there, of course!). 
• no melodrama, painful breakups and emotional hurricanes
• finally you think about a lot of things..profound introspection, overtly philosophical, a path to enlightenment :) 

And also there are many problems too,

• you fail to recognize the purpose of your life and this thought can lead to depression
• scientific evidence shows that single people are more prone to depression, cardiac problems and other serious health problems than married counter parts (34 % more prone to premature death)(alarming rate, isn't it? but these are all statistics, so don't worry much :)
• research also shows that health benefits of marriage is not a hard and fast rule; if it is not a happy marriage, then it could have been better if stayed single. Divorced men are more or less good for nothing unlike women who performs well after recovering from a difficult marriage..
• you will be treated as an outcast and even considered perverse especially in traditional/orthodox societal circles.
• disaster if you fall ill and physically dependent on others

 You always have options for not feeling lonely,

• you should gather good friends who can be trusted and will stand up for you
• connect with other decent  single people via social networks or chat sites
• you can have a pet dog or any animal, who will provide you with "unconditional love"
• cultivate positive thoughts and indulge in your hobbies
• books can act as wonderful companions.

Image courtesy: Jamendo

This is what I could come up with being a single man for quite some time. Some of the above points are debatable and strictly my personal opinions. I expect a barrage of disagreements from your part on this topic. Storm your brain and post your comments. Merci!!

Marriage Consternations

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed - Albert Einstein.

I am single. I love to remain as a singleton for long or forever, if possible. My friends and almost everyone I meet coerce me to get married and they will cajole me citing that I will be lonely when I grow old and then I will regret about my decision. May be or may be not. People consider lone people to be sad by default.

At present I am perfectly happy, staying alone. Yes, I understand the repercussions of my decision. I know that if I dont have money, I will rot in hell, during my old age. Nobody will be there for looking after me. But I dont have a choice. I have solid reasons to stay single. I am gay and so I am not physically attracted to girls. I dont want to ruin the life of an innocent girl. I cannot provide a consummate marriage, sensu stricto. I can lead a "double life" by marrying a girl, produce a child, satisfy my parents, "act" like a perfectly "responsible husband" and then hunt for men in the dark alleys of hotels or public parks or trains or virtually anywhere in the street. I can satisfy my bodily desires by being reckless and deceitful. I can be ideal in the eyes of public and society, but for that I should forfeit my integrity and personal ethics. There hangs the sword of Damocles, what if my wife finds out about my secret life, one day she accidentally finds her husband in a compromising position with another man, or some emails or anything suspicious. These days, girls are pretty aware of the "gay thing" and any educated girl can easily understand  that something foul is going on. 
 

         I really hate the big fat Indian wedding which are simply ceremonies wasting huge amounts of money, time and other resources. I used to wonder how good it could have been, if that money was used to feed the needy. Why people are getting married with so much pomp and show? Because it makes divorces difficult. Everybody in a community knows that you are married to so and so, if at all you are incompatible with your wife, you will not think about a divorce because of the ignominy in your social circles. If the marriages are being held in simple terms, if it was a small ceremony with the involvement of one's closer circle only,  many people will not even know that you are married and then divorce becomes easier. So society consciously made the whole marriage affair into an enormous social and religious matter so that you will be forced to stick even if you are incompatible. Dowry and the perks are the main attraction for men to get married. Besides, marriages are held in "heaven". "God" makes the match (I think now the sole business of god will be to find a suitable groom and bride, that is how our population is booming). Who are we to break what has been made by god. Everybody fears god. The whole marriage institution is a well constructed social hegemony. Well, I am not saying that it is evil, but it should not be generalized. It should not be made into a rule. People should be given a choice to marry or not to marry and should not discriminate or consider an unmarried man/woman incompetent/perverse.

       Well, I think, both lives - bachelor  and married - have there own advantages and disadvantages. What I could really see in the eyes of married men is "an esoteric envy" whenever they see an unmarried man. When ever they speak to me, I could see a "paradise lost feeling", and they want me to fall into that same ditch or trap. I always feel that most men are "acting hard" to make others believe that they are enjoying the married life. It may be my narrow mind and prejudiced vision, but my gut feeling is that most men don't enjoy a permanent partner at least in sexual matters. It is a fact that human males are not monogamous, they are "sexual predators". I have read somewhere that every man needs at least three women viz.,

1. a wife - for fulfilling daily routines and needs (in feminist view, more like a slave)
2. a lover - for emotional needs
3. a mistress - for gratifying sex! :)

     For some, if they are lucky, all three will combine in their lawfully wedded wife. A loving and understanding wife who lives for the husband and family, who shares everything with the husband, who is wonderful on bed, Yup,  is a rarity; so men who don't have those elements will look for other women who provides them with what they lacks. That is where extra marital relationships come to the picture. Some bud from sexual in-satiety while some others from emotional needs which will eventually end up in bed.  One of my friends used to say that "the real definition of wife is Wonderful Instrument For Entertainment". Read entertainment as sex. Marriage gives you a companion, if you are lucky enough you will get a good understanding companion. There is a catch, all are not that lucky, so that makes marriage a total gambling game. 

 Recent surveys show that men prefer multiple sexual partners with less frequency of sex than a permanent life partner with more frequency of sex. So mistresses rock. Will marriage be obsolete by 2050. Who knows? Loud cries for legalization of prostitution is scientifically justified, Is it not? Moral police men please excuse me. I personally don't endorse multiple partners, but at the same time, I do find it extremely difficult to fix upon someone :). Well, well, I think, almost everybody is having that problem. We ought to weave a different design on our social fabric.