A touching video on bullying gay kids - What if being gay was normal and heterosexism a perversion?

photo credit: link

What if gay was the norm? This little parody video says it all, in one imaginary homo-normative world, what a hetero-person, a "different" person in that world, would probably feel and face: a parody on the status of every gay man/woman in this hetero-normative world. I think this will help to make heterosexual people more aware of what kind of alienation and isolation a gay man/women feel in the hetero-normative world, as I feel it is very difficult for many hetero-people to fall in the shoes of a gay men/women. But they may understand it if the story is told in their own psyche, in their own situation, they may relate to it better. Awesome video. Wonderful message. See it. You won't regret.

The IUCN Red List : Guiding Conservation for 50 years

This is an eye opening video by IUCN on animal conservation. We human beings are destroying our mother earth for a long time now and many of the fellow species extinct or about to get extinct. We cut trees, destroy forests, hunt and indiscriminately kill animals, pollute earth, all for our material gains and nothing else; we do almost irreversible damage to earth. Please think about what we are doing to our earth and do support initiatives like this. Make people aware by sharing. This earth is not entirely ours, but we share it with animals, birds, plants and other living things.

Bulging Crotches and Reckless Hands

What I am going to write about would have been experienced by most men in India, some will admit, others won't. It is prevalent during routine commute or anywhere, let it be the park nearby or in subways. I used to look at men, in fact, all men who passes near me. I ogle them, look at their derriere clad in skin tight jeans, their crotches or wedgies, but I will never go beyond the look at those hommes. I love it when men wear  low waist jeans, which gives immense opportunity to see what is lying beneath and beyond that an arousing curiosity, a titillating view of the underlying jockeys and hairy abdomens. Even by looking, I know that I am invading their privacy, but being a harmless habit, I think if is pardonable. What I am going to say about is even beyond this, it is embarrassing even to a gay man like me, let alone heterosexuals then. It stems from the prejudice, fear and the restrictions imposed in the society. Most gay men in India consider themselves to be bisexual and they lead a double life. Well, sometimes they cannot control their own hands and minds.

In India, buses and trains form the basic mode of public transport. With the spawning population and sprawling streets coupled with a totally disorganized public transport system, the crowds in buses and trains are mostly unimaginable to a Westerner. People are packed like peaches in a box and we are totally adapted to such crowds.  It is a gargantuan task to get into a bus at times, and you will feel like hell if you have some luggage too. Trains are worse and phenomenally crowded; the invasion of personal space is unthinkable. If you split your legs a little farther, somebody will take that space to sit down. People from cities are okay with all those and the diameter of their flight zone is considerably lesser compared to a person from rural areas. I grew up in a rural setting and I am totally uncomfortable with such breach of personal space. I avoid trains because of that and will wait for long in order to catch a bus with lesser crowds.

 

As you are aware, such crowded spaces are hunting grounds for a closeted gay man or as society calls, a perverse man. They can touch the body parts of any man deliberately and can pretend that it happened inadvertently. Well, they need some knack for that though. I am not able to determine what to call such men, "perverse",  "opportunists" or "victims of circumstances". If society was tolerant to the "gay thing", then they would not have been forced to seek pleasure in such surreptitious ways. Such experiences are so common, but nobody likes to admit it in public, but in private conversations among friends it will come up regularly.

The modus operandi differs slightly from person to person, but more or less the same. I was on my way back home from office, caught my routine bus, occupied my more or less reserved window seat, put my ear phones and got lost in pop music. Soon a middle aged man, nearly 45-50 years of age, well dressed sat beside me and the bus got moving. I didn't pay any attention to him, as older guys don't act as head turners for me. The bus was not crowded and many seats were unoccupied. As the bus got moving, that man started sleeping and I was viewing the scenery outside. I was totally unaware of the person sitting beside me. Suddenly I felt a hand over my thighs. I looked down and found that his hand was resting over my thighs. I didn't mind. I continued listening to my music and ignored that hand as I thought that he was sleeping and his hand may have slipped down. After some time, the position of hand changed and it had gone up. I was getting suspicious by then. Still I did not react as I was not sure whether it was deliberate or not. I remained guarded. After some time, the hand moved more closer to my crotch. Then I understood that it was deliberate. I slowly removed his hand from my thighs. For some time, nothing happened, soon the hand retained the same position and the whole process started again. His hand again reached closer to my crotch and I was forced to react. But being a gay man myself, I could not make it a big fuss. If I did that, I would be ethically wrong. So without looking at the man, I just got up from the seat and occupied another vacant seat. I was pretty sure that I did the right thing by not reacting violently; he will definitely do this to another man in future, my reaction is not going to make a difference. I didn’t react because of the sympathy I felt for him as I believe that he was doing doing this out of his desperation.

Addictions - Did we miss out anything by not doing them?

I haven't written this, but I think everybody should read this. Please go through this post in Quora.com. It was a question posted by someone on the big three vices "smoking", "drinking alcohol" and "doing drugs", whether if somebody do not indulge in these three things, will he/she misses out something in life or not. Another Quora member, Jesper Renck, gave an answer which was spot on and really empowering to read (Link). For those who don't have a Quora account, I am re-posting what he had written there with that wonderful picture from Matrix,

The question was,

What is someone missing out on if they don't drink, smoke, or do drugs?

Jesper Renck's answer:

" I’m assuming that you have just become a teenager and been offered drugs for the first time. Previously you were just a child and thought you understood the world. However now you are no longer sure.

First some background: inside your head you have a brain. The complete function is not fully understood but it is known that the parts: the sensory system, the central brain and the control system can be tampered with using substances which influences their function. These substances will influence your perception of the outside world, your thought process and the signals which determines your behavior.  

Alcohol will make you entertaining and the center of attention at social gatherings. Cocaine will make you feel like the boss. Marijuana will turn you into the minister of good ideas. However the experience is delusional and only inside your head. Other people around you will probably not agree with your perception of the situation.

So, to rephrase your question: If I want to experience the most of life while I’m here. Which path should I take? 

 

The blue pill represents waking up in your bed every morning with a clear head, and endless possibilities, but it will be up to you to explore the world and find those ideas that make sense to you. Some of them are easily accessible others will require detailed planning and tremendous effort before they bear fruit. The red pill is the backdoor-key to the same wonderland, however it will only exist in your own head and everything will be gone when you wake up, leaving you with a sensation of confusion and disconnectedness with the outside world.

It is your choice."

Another wonderful answer from  Stefan King, this guy seems pretty much experienced in the things we are talking about, check out his answer below,

 
" Before the complete answer, a warning about alcohol: I am lucky. I seem to not be genetically predisposed toward drug and alcohol abuse, and I know enough psychology to watch for the right alarm signs. It also helps when conditioning yourself out of a bad habit. Some addictions, especially alcoholism, have a large genetic factor. Everyone who has the first drink is taking a huge gamble that he or she doesn't have alcoholism genes. If you have become socially well-adjusted without touching alcohol, don't start now. If you lose that bet, your life will be destroyed by the disease and you will die poor and alone.

I've seen both sides of the drugs and alcohol fence, and I see clearly what is missing on either side. 

 Short version:

• You don't miss anything by not smoking.
• By not drinking, you miss out on a lot of 'amazing nights with friends'. But you keep a clear mind that can get more done.
• By not doing drugs, you miss out on super-exciting experiences and intense feelings of pleasure. But you don't face the risk of bad trips and addiction.

Credentials:

• Smoked regularly for 12 years.
• Drank around 3 to 10 glasses a week, with rare excesses toward 15 glasses a night.
• Smoked or ate weed regularly, and used various hallucigenic drugs, and I've done cocaine twice.

Three  years ago I quit smoking when my third serious attempt to quit was successful. I have smoked weed a few times since then, for a specific reason I will elaborate on below. I took a 6-month break from drinking in 2008 while writing my thesis, and continued after that. Now I'm thinking about quitting alcohol permanently. And I no longer care for hallucinogenics or hard drugs. Except that I want to have at least one more time, and I wouldn't say no to LSD if someone offered it under the right circumstances. 

The Pleasures

A note on dosage: for most substances, there is a sweet spot where you get the rush you are after. Too little and nothing happens, too much and very bad things may happen. Unfortunately, you can only find this sweet spot by trial and error.

Cigarettes are strange because they have little psycho-active effect, while being extremely addictive. They are only 'good' for connecting with smokers, or to tell yourself an addictive story about 'a relaxing moment for yourself.' Tobacco companies have used ads with movie stars and cowboys to condition teenagers that smoking is cool. That is the reason for starting. Afterwards, the nicotine addiction settles and your body 'needs' cigarettes to feel normal and relaxed.

Alcohol brings a bit of fun from the next day over to the here and now, one glass at a time. You are gambling that you will get out net ahead. People are more fun to be around, you are more social, you cement friendships. 'Amazing nights' become a realistic possibility. You feel the goodness of life in the present, in a relaxing haze. Chances of getting laid go up. While drinking alone, your creative juices might start flowing. And some people with stressful lives 'need' alcohol to unwind. That is not a rationalization; it works. 

Weed also puts you in the present, but with greater force and certainty, by knocking out any clear thought. At first you might believe your are having profound observations of life, but that is an illusion. The more reliable effect of weed is sensory. You feel more: food and sex are a lot better when stoned. 
 

Hallucinogenics give you the physical certainty that your brain renders reality through arbitrary lenses. Yes, you already know that the senses process the world and the brain turns it into behavior, but that's all theory until you eat shrooms or some other reality-knocker. Contrary to weed, hallucinations can include profound insight into your own mind. They call it 'a trip' for a reason; you're going far out and will not be back for a while. A good thing about hallucinogenics is that they are not addictive in the chemical sense. You could only talk yourself into needing them.

Cocaine makes you feel like a boss and very awake, guaranteed. Great for doing more or sleeping less than you should. If the real and sustainable versions of confidence and strength elude you, it could become an expensive addiction. 

The Perks of Sobriety

If you quit alcohol you get your brain back. Learning and mental clarity happen when your mind organizes new knowledge and perceptions efficiently. Alcohol messes with your REM sleep, a critical phase for organizing long-term memory. After the slight fog of the regular drinker is lifted, there is a solid foundation for building momentum in learning and observation. If you are working on a project, progress is sure and steady, not a sad line of fits and starts. Personally, I get a lot more done as a teetotaler.

Maybe it is time for me to quit drinking permanently. Over the course of a lifetime, I will get a lot more done. But then again, a certain kind of 'amazing nights' with friends will no longer happen. I haven't sorted my priorities yet.

Abstaining from weed is easy because that is the social default (for most people). Only those with large personal problems might be tempted into using weed habitually to forget themselves. For me, the only reason to use weed is because it makes the sex so good."

My personal pick is Mr. Renck's answer which is rational. Stephen King has not sorted out his priority yet and that is clear in his answer.  After reading King's answer, it seems clearly exciting and tempting to try all the addictives out, but that will just become a start and you can finally get addicted. So choose wisely. My personal opinion, better not to try any of these and live an ordinary but mindful life!!!

Indian Gay Friendly Heterosexual Celebrities - Part 1

The support to gay people is increasingly growing, day by day, which is a good thing and the right thing to happen. But homophobia still exists in many parts of the world, India is no exception. Hinduism has always been liberal, did not denigrate the sexual identities and gay characters can be seen in many of our Hindu epics. Still we are not at ease about the growing visibility and the support provided by NGO groups for gay rights and gay cause. We consider gay love as against nature even though there is ample scientific evidence to refute that claim. The principal opposition party in India, BJP (Bharthiya Janatha Party), whose ideology is built on Hinduism, is totally against the gay cause, they indeed categorically labelled it is as “unnatural”. We still embrace the Victorian morality which is an import of our erstwhile colonial  masters at the behest of the religious leaders and groups. Religious leaders are unanimous at least in this issue. They all don’t want “gay things”, at any cost. In many TV interviews, thank god, they did not say all gay men should be screened, identified and shot - a hunt similar to the witch hunt in the past can be proposed to eradicate the “gay disease”. The role of celebrities in removing the prejudice associated is immense as they have huge fan followings and can reach out to great length with the help of social media sites like twitter. But most celebrities are not willing to take care of this cause as they are afraid of getting their image tarnished. The celebrities who are actually homosexuals remain closeted because of the social stigma and never talks about gay issues. under such circumstances. We cannot expect the heterosexual celebrities to rally behind  us when “our own celebrities” are staying numb. Here are some of the Indian heterosexual celebrities who openly back gay people (at least in their talks).

 AMIR KHAN

The ever youthful Amir Khan

Amir Khan's female avatar in Coco cola ad.

     Amir khan, the most “cerebral actor” of Bollywood had indeed shown the courage to don many drag roles in the past like the ones he did in a Godrej advert, coco cola ad, TATA sky ad and his stint as a female dancer in Ashutosh Gowariker's 1995 action film “Baazi”. He is an actor who uses his brain pretty well and speaks out his mind even if the issue is contentious. 

In the film "Baazi"

During the wake of re-criminalization of Section 377,  he said that,

“I am more disappointed with this judgment. It feels very intolerant and violative of basic human rights. It's a shame”. Well said!!

JOHN ABRAHAM

He had no qualms in appearing in a “gay themed romedy”, “Dostana” (well, not gay themed in a stricter sense, but it definitely helped in bringing the “gay scene“ to limelight, though I believe the portrayal of gay men in that film was stereotyped). The film also seen him dauntingly flaunting his chiseled body (God, am I drooling?) and turning him into a “gay icon” overnight. He admitted that he has been hit regularly by gay men ever since and quipped “Look at the bright side, at the end of the day, it’s a compliment. Look at his answer to the question - How does it feel to be a gay icon? “If the women can, why not the men? Today homosexuality is so open world over. To think that the same gender likes you is a plus”. We hope, everybody thinks like you. He also said on possibility of turning gay ever, “I will turn gay only for Abhishek. He is my most beautiful co-star.” We admire you man. But you cannot “turn gay”. It is not a choice and it has nothing to do with beauty. Anyway, thank you for the support!!

FARHAN AKHTAR

The versatile Actor-director Farhan Akhtar tweeted: "The Supreme Court got it wrong today. Sec377." He is like Amir Khan records his strong statements just like in the case of Nirbhaya, he came out in support of LGBT people, he elaborated that “I feel it is a primitive law and does not have any place in today’s society. People have the freedom to choose who they want to be with. As long as they are consenting adults, they have the right to do what they want and I don’t think we should be peeping inside people’s bedrooms and telling them what to do".