A touching video on bullying gay kids - What if being gay was normal and heterosexism a perversion?

photo credit: link

What if gay was the norm? This little parody video says it all, in one imaginary homo-normative world, what a hetero-person, a "different" person in that world, would probably feel and face: a parody on the status of every gay man/woman in this hetero-normative world. I think this will help to make heterosexual people more aware of what kind of alienation and isolation a gay man/women feel in the hetero-normative world, as I feel it is very difficult for many hetero-people to fall in the shoes of a gay men/women. But they may understand it if the story is told in their own psyche, in their own situation, they may relate to it better. Awesome video. Wonderful message. See it. You won't regret.

Queer Pride - Kerala - India - July 26, 2014 - a welcome change

It is a criminal offense to be gay in India. Even then, a gay pride rally happened in Kerala, the southern most and a quite orthodox state of India. So things are changing, bit by bit. This time, the pride was definitely better as there was sizable participation from our heterosexual counterparts which is commendable because those straight people who participated in the pride will be labelled gay and most probably get bullied later. Still, they showed the courage to come out for the help of their friends, to voice for the rights of their friends. Special kudos for those brave hearts. Previously I had reservations about the pride rallies which often turn  very loud  and slap straight at the face of society, now I think, such rallies are needed, because society will not take notice. 

Some snaps below....To see more go to this Kerala Queer community in Facebook named Queerala

Love to see the kid, at least he learns tolerance.

 

 

 

 

 

 All images from Queerala 

Celebrate tolerance and diversity. Make the world a better place for everyone.

Androgynous - way to being genderfluid

Androgynous look is becoming vogue, many celebrities endorsing the androgynous look like Adam Lambert, Boy George, the late pop icon Michael Jackson to name a few and  models like Andrej Pejic, Tilda Swinton are considered hot properties in both male and female modelling ramp shows. So, is it bad to be gender fluid? One day you dress like a man and the next day you go out in your smashing and flamboyant female avatar. Well, you need to endure the heavy frowning of our society, you need to think beyond your thick social conditioning to enjoy such a drag and quite sure that those will be labelled as "freak shows". Photographer Leland Bobbe, created some wonderful photographs in his series " Half-Drag" he dismantles the social conditioning and explores the gender neutral stance to a new level. 

As mentioned in his website "His  series, Half-Drag offers a unique perspective on the drag queens behind the make up, while providing provocative social commentary on gender identity, normative ideas about gender roles, and the traditional male/ female paradigm". "Not surprisingly, Half-Drag has gone viral, appearing on over thousands of blogs, websites and online magazines in over 30 countries including Vogue Italia, Huffington Post, ABC News, The Sundance Channel, AOL and MSN".

Enjoy/Frown/Wow upon, but not at all easy to try this in public spaces.

 

 

 

Image credits: Google, Tumblr

Gay Scene - Some Reflections

we are more than this!!

Being a gay man, I have some reservations about the gay scene in India and all over the world. First thing is why we gays need to be so campy and flashy all the time. The gay stereotype is all about flamboyance and fabulousness which probably stems out from the extreme depression and frustration of the community. We want to be visible. We want to be taken into consideration. We don’t want to be taken for granted. This show business comes from the subconscious mind which is more like an attention seeking behaviour and this exhibition weirdly instills confidence in gay people; we celebrate our difference. Society tries to ignore this whole hullabaloo with a tin ear for dialogue. In societal dictionary, ignoring is same as tolerance; the fact remains that tolerance is never true acceptance. True acceptance is always feared, as society fear that more and more people will "turn gay" which will eventually tear the moral fabric, the fabric of family set up and finally we will be staring at the bizarre extinction of human race. God will have to start it all again. There is not even a miniscule of logic in such a thought. But that is what majority thinks. That is the popular thought. 

          This “glamboyance” will create false impressions in the societal mind that gay men are only about sex, without any morals and without any purpose; an allegation permanently conferred upon us. “Purpose of life” - no kids, no strings attached, no obligations, only sex and sex only - Are the heterosexual people envious? May be, may be not!! The principal reason of objection is the gay lifestyle which is labeled as promiscuous, immoral and dirty. There is some logic in that allegation though. Homosexual people in general follow a more liberal lifestyle, “more sexual” and “less committed”. Heterosexual people (especially males) also have a proclivity for multiple partners but they are bound to their children and repercussions of such an approach over the children and an established family set up greatly serve as deterrents.  Gay people don’t have any of these and so nothing to be afraid off. Gay scene is like an iceberg - only tip is in the visible domain, rest is submerged. But without given a chance for legitimate relationships (approved by society) how can the society assess the commitment capability of gay people and their ability to lead a stable life. There are many gay couples irrespective of countries who take their relationships very seriously and even adopt/raise children. They are in no way different from heterosexual couples. As per scientific evidences, the kids they raise are in no way inferior to the kids of heterosexual couples (link).  I still remember in a channel discussion which I used to follow, there was fierce criticism to gay lifestyle and gay sex, one woman from the audience passionately told that “why the discussions on gay people always go to the familiar terrain of sex and sex only - actually this is an issue about the love of two people”. The primary focus should be on love. But nobody is giving the importance it deserves - it is about one soul loving another soul, whether hetero or homo. When something is labeled as forbidden, it arouses more curiosity and interest and can turn deviant, just like getting sucked up in a whirlpool of negative emotions. Gay men are depressed, more prone to substance and physical abuses and the entire blame rests on them only; society washes its hands as usual by attributing this to their “gay choice”. Society asks the gay person to change instead of taking concrete measures to allow each and every gay person to manifest their gayness, live their own life and contribute to the society in a constructive manner rather than triggering self-nihilistic tendencies in them. The recent supreme court judgment on Section 377 is a typical example of the unchanged societal mindset and the judgment is crystal clear; “come to our way” or “perish”.  I wonder whether the “gay prides “are looked upon as genuine bold statements or as “freak shows”. Does society actually understands the real message behind a “gay pride”? Doubtful!! But something is better than nothing. Some visibility, even though it is freaky! 

With the advent of chat sites like Planet Romeo, secretive yet a public gay scene prevails in the underbelly of every urban street, where men hooks up and enjoys. 90 per cent of people enrolled are looking for casual sex only, a small minority looking for relationship which indeed is the most underrated word in the gay scene. The buzz words are “discreet”, “no strings attached”, “interested in all kinds of sex” etc. Gay men are real casanovas. “How many partners?”, such a question is irrelevant and rubbish, nobody counts!! Then there is the scare of sexually transmitted diseases. People are prone to more risks and they cannot reveal it and avail treatment because of the forbidden nature of the whole issue. One beautiful description about “flesh trade” found in one among the numerous Planet Romeo profiles is as follows,  

        “The body is just a piece of meat, which shifts and changes, it is just a bridge between your mind and your way to feel vibrations. So use your body as an instrument to feel that sense of euphoria and pleasure. The vision, the image that excites you is only a beginning, to feel all this vibration you have to use the other senses”.
 
        Yes, as he rightly mentions, it is euphoria. Sex can make or break a person, quite easily. Too much addiction to sex can destroy a person almost irreversibly. Use your other senses as well, think before you act. Temptations will blind you, lure you and you will be fain to embrace it,  but the results will not be promising, always.  

        Pornography: Unusual companion of any gay man. Pornography can turn addictive, but it is always safer than indulging in one night stands and casual encounters.  Time is a terrible thing to waste and you will lose much of your quality time if got addicted to pornography. Pornography can also distort the whole concept of sex. It can change your perceptions about your own body (a distorted body image) and create perverse ideas about sex and sexual practices. Those practices may not be even remotely applicable to real life situations. Recent reports also say that there is no such thing as porn addiction. Who knows!! Mutual masturbation via video chatting is also pretty popular among gay men which again is reasonably safe compared to sexcapades. Beware of showing the face as it can lead to blackmailing, defamation and abuse.

      Gay community also is rife with prejudices.  Because of rampant malpractices, if you look at the chat site profiles, the members are forced to apply so many conditions viz., no cheaters, no money takers, no effeminate guys, no fatty guys, no lean guys, no uncles and it goes on. Displaying statements like no effeminate guys, fat and lean guys hints at the prejudice prevalent in a marginalized community like ours. We are marginalizing it further. I agree that everybody have their own tastes and types - everyone can reject any message any time as they like. Then why display such profile taglines? These people are not even willing to message or “simply waste time “if they get a message from a particular type of person they abhor. I strongly feel that it is not a measure for saving time of either parties, but a kind of prejudice itself. Such taglines show hatred, intolerance. Everybody is looking for sculpted bodies and gorgeous faces, even though they themselves are not qualified enough. Nobody is willing to have a friendly chat or to lend ears to another person. The whole concept is utilitarian and without “potential bedroom moments” in cards, nobody will waste time on each other. During every planet romeo chat, the “third question” you get is “can we meet” (replace meet with the F word for a better translation of what is in the mind), if not interested, case closed. Genuine Friendships which are not exclusively based on external appearances or prospective sexual intimacy are hard to find.   Another Planet Romeo friend quips,  

     “Isn't it curious that a group of people shunned by the society in general exhibit the most ridiculous forms of prejudices, sophistications and tendencies to discriminate, to judge and to segregate? You do realize that in the eyes of the public we are all freaks!”
 
    What he said is the real tagline. There could not be a better representation of the prejudices existing in a community which is already oppressed and kicked at. As a marginalized community, gay community need to be more sensitive, compassionate and united.

Loss of innocence (Part 1) - Tribulations

Prejudice is a learned trait. You're not born prejudiced; you're taught it. ~ Charles R. Swindoll

Image courtesy: coolpics.com

He was a timid boy, reticent, frail, had hopeful magnetic eyes and a disarming smile. He smiled even when his heart sank every moment from the confusion churning inside his little mind. What am I? Why I am not feeling anything to girls like all other guys of his age do? Why I am attracted to boys? Is it normal? He was a boy for sure, by appearance, but with thoughts, was he? He tried to cast off the doubts and suppressed all his feelings. The biggest problem was he knew that he was different from others. Day by day, his mind got clouded, more doubts emerged, old and suppressed ones resurfaced, somehow he managed himself and did not utter a single word about his mental tribulations to anybody else, be it friends or parents. Despite this, he was one among the academic toppers and had a flawless record on his conduct and character, not even a single blemish during his entire school and college days. 

Even though his confidence hit new lows most of the times, he was happy that he had some things to brag about. He wore a mask, in order to get conformed to the societal norms. Fortunately for him, he was not effeminate or could successfully mask any such dubious traits which will prove suspicious. He was interested in sports, he was into arts as well, which again was contradictory to the traditional stereotypes of both sects; gay men shun sports and macho men shun arts. He was indeed a bag of contradictions. He read voraciously about the “little gay thing” in his mind and collected as much data as possible from periodicals and magazines. By college days, he came to know that it is not a sin but still he was worried. If it is not a sin, why society is not accepting it? Why society is not talking about it? Why so much hazing and bullying in schools? He has seen his effeminate classmates being taunted and bullied by the “self appointed macho rookies”, in order to cure them or change them. Moreover it was sheer pleasure for everyone else (even bystanders/onlookers) to taunt those “different boys” ignoring the fact completely that they were gentle/talented and never create any kind of nuisance to others. They were even mocked at in buses, the conductors and drivers all played their destined parts in the game. Society nodded for this entire misdemeanor; without the all approving acquiescence of society, such things would never happen. Why they were treated in that way? We are either suspicious or afraid of things we don't know about. Well, there were some conspicuous differences in these boys - their gestures, their talking style, all were remarkably different and of course they are “easy targets”. Many of these men prove to be closeted homosexuals (from some personal experiences retold) and only god knows how many boys these men had exploited. 

Closeted men usually behave homophobic and target gay men. To take down any man, the simplest and most effective trick is to label him less masculine, a sissy; beyond culture, beyond geography, it proves the same. The macho image of a man is so ingrained in human brain that it is virtually impossible to think beyond stereotypes. Anybody who does not fit into that groove will be forced to suffer the consequences. This whole issue was beautifully dealt in Michael Kimmel's article titled "Masculinity as homophobia" published in 1994. The fear that infused into his young mind by seeing all this was enormous and he used all his strength not to cast a single shadow of doubt upon himself. The constant fear of getting “outed” lurked and lingered which was indeed painful. He reminded his mind always that he had a rich legacy of people like Leonardo Da Vinci, Michael Angelo, Oscar Wilde, Martina Navratilova, Ricky Martin, George Michael and many others who are legends in their own right. At least it served to pour in some confidence, some purpose to his life. 

Human beings boast of superior intellect and the “innate humanness” which makes them better than animals. Animals never really hunt their own species unless they are dead or physically maimed but we hunt our own people. When grown up, he came out to some of his close friends. They never really understood the whole issue but were supportive. They used to ask “why you have these thoughts? Why can’t you love a girl?” Aah, he was like this since 12 years old or maybe even before that. He noticed his differences from other guys who drooled over girls, who were nervous in the presence of a girl, who vied for their every attention and would treat girls like a “material” rather than a “soul”. He never looked at girls as an object of desire despite having good company with them. Instead he had strong feelings for his boy friends; in fact, had puppy-love on many of them. He thought it was just a phase and it will change as age advances, but it only increased. He was living a life full of lies.

(Continued in  Part 2 - Rite to Gaydom)