Addictions - Did we miss out anything by not doing them?

I haven't written this, but I think everybody should read this. Please go through this post in Quora.com. It was a question posted by someone on the big three vices "smoking", "drinking alcohol" and "doing drugs", whether if somebody do not indulge in these three things, will he/she misses out something in life or not. Another Quora member, Jesper Renck, gave an answer which was spot on and really empowering to read (Link). For those who don't have a Quora account, I am re-posting what he had written there with that wonderful picture from Matrix,

The question was,

What is someone missing out on if they don't drink, smoke, or do drugs?

Jesper Renck's answer:

" I’m assuming that you have just become a teenager and been offered drugs for the first time. Previously you were just a child and thought you understood the world. However now you are no longer sure.

First some background: inside your head you have a brain. The complete function is not fully understood but it is known that the parts: the sensory system, the central brain and the control system can be tampered with using substances which influences their function. These substances will influence your perception of the outside world, your thought process and the signals which determines your behavior.  

Alcohol will make you entertaining and the center of attention at social gatherings. Cocaine will make you feel like the boss. Marijuana will turn you into the minister of good ideas. However the experience is delusional and only inside your head. Other people around you will probably not agree with your perception of the situation.

So, to rephrase your question: If I want to experience the most of life while I’m here. Which path should I take? 

 

The blue pill represents waking up in your bed every morning with a clear head, and endless possibilities, but it will be up to you to explore the world and find those ideas that make sense to you. Some of them are easily accessible others will require detailed planning and tremendous effort before they bear fruit. The red pill is the backdoor-key to the same wonderland, however it will only exist in your own head and everything will be gone when you wake up, leaving you with a sensation of confusion and disconnectedness with the outside world.

It is your choice."

Another wonderful answer from  Stefan King, this guy seems pretty much experienced in the things we are talking about, check out his answer below,

 
" Before the complete answer, a warning about alcohol: I am lucky. I seem to not be genetically predisposed toward drug and alcohol abuse, and I know enough psychology to watch for the right alarm signs. It also helps when conditioning yourself out of a bad habit. Some addictions, especially alcoholism, have a large genetic factor. Everyone who has the first drink is taking a huge gamble that he or she doesn't have alcoholism genes. If you have become socially well-adjusted without touching alcohol, don't start now. If you lose that bet, your life will be destroyed by the disease and you will die poor and alone.

I've seen both sides of the drugs and alcohol fence, and I see clearly what is missing on either side. 

 Short version:

• You don't miss anything by not smoking.
• By not drinking, you miss out on a lot of 'amazing nights with friends'. But you keep a clear mind that can get more done.
• By not doing drugs, you miss out on super-exciting experiences and intense feelings of pleasure. But you don't face the risk of bad trips and addiction.

Credentials:

• Smoked regularly for 12 years.
• Drank around 3 to 10 glasses a week, with rare excesses toward 15 glasses a night.
• Smoked or ate weed regularly, and used various hallucigenic drugs, and I've done cocaine twice.

Three  years ago I quit smoking when my third serious attempt to quit was successful. I have smoked weed a few times since then, for a specific reason I will elaborate on below. I took a 6-month break from drinking in 2008 while writing my thesis, and continued after that. Now I'm thinking about quitting alcohol permanently. And I no longer care for hallucinogenics or hard drugs. Except that I want to have at least one more time, and I wouldn't say no to LSD if someone offered it under the right circumstances. 

The Pleasures

A note on dosage: for most substances, there is a sweet spot where you get the rush you are after. Too little and nothing happens, too much and very bad things may happen. Unfortunately, you can only find this sweet spot by trial and error.

Cigarettes are strange because they have little psycho-active effect, while being extremely addictive. They are only 'good' for connecting with smokers, or to tell yourself an addictive story about 'a relaxing moment for yourself.' Tobacco companies have used ads with movie stars and cowboys to condition teenagers that smoking is cool. That is the reason for starting. Afterwards, the nicotine addiction settles and your body 'needs' cigarettes to feel normal and relaxed.

Alcohol brings a bit of fun from the next day over to the here and now, one glass at a time. You are gambling that you will get out net ahead. People are more fun to be around, you are more social, you cement friendships. 'Amazing nights' become a realistic possibility. You feel the goodness of life in the present, in a relaxing haze. Chances of getting laid go up. While drinking alone, your creative juices might start flowing. And some people with stressful lives 'need' alcohol to unwind. That is not a rationalization; it works. 

Weed also puts you in the present, but with greater force and certainty, by knocking out any clear thought. At first you might believe your are having profound observations of life, but that is an illusion. The more reliable effect of weed is sensory. You feel more: food and sex are a lot better when stoned. 
 

Hallucinogenics give you the physical certainty that your brain renders reality through arbitrary lenses. Yes, you already know that the senses process the world and the brain turns it into behavior, but that's all theory until you eat shrooms or some other reality-knocker. Contrary to weed, hallucinations can include profound insight into your own mind. They call it 'a trip' for a reason; you're going far out and will not be back for a while. A good thing about hallucinogenics is that they are not addictive in the chemical sense. You could only talk yourself into needing them.

Cocaine makes you feel like a boss and very awake, guaranteed. Great for doing more or sleeping less than you should. If the real and sustainable versions of confidence and strength elude you, it could become an expensive addiction. 

The Perks of Sobriety

If you quit alcohol you get your brain back. Learning and mental clarity happen when your mind organizes new knowledge and perceptions efficiently. Alcohol messes with your REM sleep, a critical phase for organizing long-term memory. After the slight fog of the regular drinker is lifted, there is a solid foundation for building momentum in learning and observation. If you are working on a project, progress is sure and steady, not a sad line of fits and starts. Personally, I get a lot more done as a teetotaler.

Maybe it is time for me to quit drinking permanently. Over the course of a lifetime, I will get a lot more done. But then again, a certain kind of 'amazing nights' with friends will no longer happen. I haven't sorted my priorities yet.

Abstaining from weed is easy because that is the social default (for most people). Only those with large personal problems might be tempted into using weed habitually to forget themselves. For me, the only reason to use weed is because it makes the sex so good."

My personal pick is Mr. Renck's answer which is rational. Stephen King has not sorted out his priority yet and that is clear in his answer.  After reading King's answer, it seems clearly exciting and tempting to try all the addictives out, but that will just become a start and you can finally get addicted. So choose wisely. My personal opinion, better not to try any of these and live an ordinary but mindful life!!!

Indian Gay Friendly Heterosexual Celebrities - Part 1

The support to gay people is increasingly growing, day by day, which is a good thing and the right thing to happen. But homophobia still exists in many parts of the world, India is no exception. Hinduism has always been liberal, did not denigrate the sexual identities and gay characters can be seen in many of our Hindu epics. Still we are not at ease about the growing visibility and the support provided by NGO groups for gay rights and gay cause. We consider gay love as against nature even though there is ample scientific evidence to refute that claim. The principal opposition party in India, BJP (Bharthiya Janatha Party), whose ideology is built on Hinduism, is totally against the gay cause, they indeed categorically labelled it is as “unnatural”. We still embrace the Victorian morality which is an import of our erstwhile colonial  masters at the behest of the religious leaders and groups. Religious leaders are unanimous at least in this issue. They all don’t want “gay things”, at any cost. In many TV interviews, thank god, they did not say all gay men should be screened, identified and shot - a hunt similar to the witch hunt in the past can be proposed to eradicate the “gay disease”. The role of celebrities in removing the prejudice associated is immense as they have huge fan followings and can reach out to great length with the help of social media sites like twitter. But most celebrities are not willing to take care of this cause as they are afraid of getting their image tarnished. The celebrities who are actually homosexuals remain closeted because of the social stigma and never talks about gay issues. under such circumstances. We cannot expect the heterosexual celebrities to rally behind  us when “our own celebrities” are staying numb. Here are some of the Indian heterosexual celebrities who openly back gay people (at least in their talks).

 AMIR KHAN

The ever youthful Amir Khan

Amir Khan's female avatar in Coco cola ad.

     Amir khan, the most “cerebral actor” of Bollywood had indeed shown the courage to don many drag roles in the past like the ones he did in a Godrej advert, coco cola ad, TATA sky ad and his stint as a female dancer in Ashutosh Gowariker's 1995 action film “Baazi”. He is an actor who uses his brain pretty well and speaks out his mind even if the issue is contentious. 

In the film "Baazi"

During the wake of re-criminalization of Section 377,  he said that,

“I am more disappointed with this judgment. It feels very intolerant and violative of basic human rights. It's a shame”. Well said!!

JOHN ABRAHAM

He had no qualms in appearing in a “gay themed romedy”, “Dostana” (well, not gay themed in a stricter sense, but it definitely helped in bringing the “gay scene“ to limelight, though I believe the portrayal of gay men in that film was stereotyped). The film also seen him dauntingly flaunting his chiseled body (God, am I drooling?) and turning him into a “gay icon” overnight. He admitted that he has been hit regularly by gay men ever since and quipped “Look at the bright side, at the end of the day, it’s a compliment. Look at his answer to the question - How does it feel to be a gay icon? “If the women can, why not the men? Today homosexuality is so open world over. To think that the same gender likes you is a plus”. We hope, everybody thinks like you. He also said on possibility of turning gay ever, “I will turn gay only for Abhishek. He is my most beautiful co-star.” We admire you man. But you cannot “turn gay”. It is not a choice and it has nothing to do with beauty. Anyway, thank you for the support!!

FARHAN AKHTAR

The versatile Actor-director Farhan Akhtar tweeted: "The Supreme Court got it wrong today. Sec377." He is like Amir Khan records his strong statements just like in the case of Nirbhaya, he came out in support of LGBT people, he elaborated that “I feel it is a primitive law and does not have any place in today’s society. People have the freedom to choose who they want to be with. As long as they are consenting adults, they have the right to do what they want and I don’t think we should be peeping inside people’s bedrooms and telling them what to do".

Quotes - Part 1

I am very much addicted to quotes whether it is inspirational, quirky or offensive. Hearing other people and reading their thoughts makes you introspect and opens some new windows to self-awareness. Here are some of my favorite random quotes from various sources,

1. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between dog and man. - Mark Twain.

Anybody remember Hachiko, the Japanese dog who turned an epitome of loyalty!

2. Examine your words well, and you will find that even when you have no motive to be false, it is a very hard thing to say the exact truth, even about your own immediate feelings. - George Elliot.

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 I am a liar, so is you, we all are!! If interested to find out more about this basic human instict to lie about anything/everything and the quest for a perfect lie detector, go to this link.

3. No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven, unless its roots reach down to hell. - Carl Jung.

 

Nobody is completely white or completely black, we all have grey shades.

 

4. With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose. - Wayne Dyer

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 5. You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. - Indira Gandhi

6. People tend to forget their duties, but remember their rights. - Indira Gandhi

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 Especially Indians!!

 7. To know what you know and know what you don't know is the characteristic of one who knows. - Confucius.

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8. Forests and fields, sun and wind and sky, earth and water, all speak the same language; peace, solitude, silence. - Thomas Morton.

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Perks of being single

Image credit: Colipera

"I’m single because I was born that way.”  - Anon.

I somehow managed to avoid marriage all these years. There was huge pressure from my parents to get married and settled. It is still there. My close friends knew that I am gay and so they don't yell, but distant friends used to question me why I am staying single. Well, I cannot say to them that I am gay, so I used to say I am commitment phobic, not interested in kids and the usual cliche excuses. I will also add that I am enjoying my freedom right now and when the right time comes, when I feel the need for a marriage,  I will do that. No body believes that though, they will conclude that I am having some reproductive problem. I never bothered to correct. Alas! it is a reproductive problem indeed.  Such a small difference with a profoundly huge impact. If I put a beard, people will think that I am depressed and the reason of that depression is not getting some girl to marry. The truth is I enjoy being single.

So, is staying as a singleton, all that bad? Not really, it has some unique perks,

• better workability (bachelors make promising employees and totally career driven)
• independence, freedom and turning more creativity
• can be more social and can maintain friendships (no complications and possessiveness issues)
• pretty simple money matters - more spending and less saving!!
• traveling becomes easy and spontaneous (less luggage and bon voyage)
• more self confidence (tackling problems "all alone" raises the endurance to new levels)
• less personal responsibilities and burden (no kids and family chores).
• easy decision making (as no need to indulge in a discussion on every nitty-gritty of life)
• can spend more time with your parents and give more care to them.
• lots and lots of "me" time (but using it creatively is a different issue and a difficult task)
• stay fit and healthy (more gym outings and superbly evolved culinary skills)
• no need to change your habits, better sleep and no invasion of personal space (gosh, I love my room and my bed, all alone)
• many datings, sexcapades and multitude of sexual partners (consequences are there, of course!). 
• no melodrama, painful breakups and emotional hurricanes
• finally you think about a lot of things..profound introspection, overtly philosophical, a path to enlightenment :) 

And also there are many problems too,

• you fail to recognize the purpose of your life and this thought can lead to depression
• scientific evidence shows that single people are more prone to depression, cardiac problems and other serious health problems than married counter parts (34 % more prone to premature death)(alarming rate, isn't it? but these are all statistics, so don't worry much :)
• research also shows that health benefits of marriage is not a hard and fast rule; if it is not a happy marriage, then it could have been better if stayed single. Divorced men are more or less good for nothing unlike women who performs well after recovering from a difficult marriage..
• you will be treated as an outcast and even considered perverse especially in traditional/orthodox societal circles.
• disaster if you fall ill and physically dependent on others

 You always have options for not feeling lonely,

• you should gather good friends who can be trusted and will stand up for you
• connect with other decent  single people via social networks or chat sites
• you can have a pet dog or any animal, who will provide you with "unconditional love"
• cultivate positive thoughts and indulge in your hobbies
• books can act as wonderful companions.

Image courtesy: Jamendo

This is what I could come up with being a single man for quite some time. Some of the above points are debatable and strictly my personal opinions. I expect a barrage of disagreements from your part on this topic. Storm your brain and post your comments. Merci!!

Marriage Consternations

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed - Albert Einstein.

I am single. I love to remain as a singleton for long or forever, if possible. My friends and almost everyone I meet coerce me to get married and they will cajole me citing that I will be lonely when I grow old and then I will regret about my decision. May be or may be not. People consider lone people to be sad by default.

At present I am perfectly happy, staying alone. Yes, I understand the repercussions of my decision. I know that if I dont have money, I will rot in hell, during my old age. Nobody will be there for looking after me. But I dont have a choice. I have solid reasons to stay single. I am gay and so I am not physically attracted to girls. I dont want to ruin the life of an innocent girl. I cannot provide a consummate marriage, sensu stricto. I can lead a "double life" by marrying a girl, produce a child, satisfy my parents, "act" like a perfectly "responsible husband" and then hunt for men in the dark alleys of hotels or public parks or trains or virtually anywhere in the street. I can satisfy my bodily desires by being reckless and deceitful. I can be ideal in the eyes of public and society, but for that I should forfeit my integrity and personal ethics. There hangs the sword of Damocles, what if my wife finds out about my secret life, one day she accidentally finds her husband in a compromising position with another man, or some emails or anything suspicious. These days, girls are pretty aware of the "gay thing" and any educated girl can easily understand  that something foul is going on. 
 

         I really hate the big fat Indian wedding which are simply ceremonies wasting huge amounts of money, time and other resources. I used to wonder how good it could have been, if that money was used to feed the needy. Why people are getting married with so much pomp and show? Because it makes divorces difficult. Everybody in a community knows that you are married to so and so, if at all you are incompatible with your wife, you will not think about a divorce because of the ignominy in your social circles. If the marriages are being held in simple terms, if it was a small ceremony with the involvement of one's closer circle only,  many people will not even know that you are married and then divorce becomes easier. So society consciously made the whole marriage affair into an enormous social and religious matter so that you will be forced to stick even if you are incompatible. Dowry and the perks are the main attraction for men to get married. Besides, marriages are held in "heaven". "God" makes the match (I think now the sole business of god will be to find a suitable groom and bride, that is how our population is booming). Who are we to break what has been made by god. Everybody fears god. The whole marriage institution is a well constructed social hegemony. Well, I am not saying that it is evil, but it should not be generalized. It should not be made into a rule. People should be given a choice to marry or not to marry and should not discriminate or consider an unmarried man/woman incompetent/perverse.

       Well, I think, both lives - bachelor  and married - have there own advantages and disadvantages. What I could really see in the eyes of married men is "an esoteric envy" whenever they see an unmarried man. When ever they speak to me, I could see a "paradise lost feeling", and they want me to fall into that same ditch or trap. I always feel that most men are "acting hard" to make others believe that they are enjoying the married life. It may be my narrow mind and prejudiced vision, but my gut feeling is that most men don't enjoy a permanent partner at least in sexual matters. It is a fact that human males are not monogamous, they are "sexual predators". I have read somewhere that every man needs at least three women viz.,

1. a wife - for fulfilling daily routines and needs (in feminist view, more like a slave)
2. a lover - for emotional needs
3. a mistress - for gratifying sex! :)

     For some, if they are lucky, all three will combine in their lawfully wedded wife. A loving and understanding wife who lives for the husband and family, who shares everything with the husband, who is wonderful on bed, Yup,  is a rarity; so men who don't have those elements will look for other women who provides them with what they lacks. That is where extra marital relationships come to the picture. Some bud from sexual in-satiety while some others from emotional needs which will eventually end up in bed.  One of my friends used to say that "the real definition of wife is Wonderful Instrument For Entertainment". Read entertainment as sex. Marriage gives you a companion, if you are lucky enough you will get a good understanding companion. There is a catch, all are not that lucky, so that makes marriage a total gambling game. 

 Recent surveys show that men prefer multiple sexual partners with less frequency of sex than a permanent life partner with more frequency of sex. So mistresses rock. Will marriage be obsolete by 2050. Who knows? Loud cries for legalization of prostitution is scientifically justified, Is it not? Moral police men please excuse me. I personally don't endorse multiple partners, but at the same time, I do find it extremely difficult to fix upon someone :). Well, well, I think, almost everybody is having that problem. We ought to weave a different design on our social fabric.